October 2025. Mental Wellness

Healing from a toxic relationship

Healing from a toxic relationship is one of the most courageous journeys a person can take.

In the United States, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC, 2024) estimates that millions of men and women experience psychological aggression by an intimate partner every year. While society often focuses on physical abuse, emotional manipulation and verbal aggression can be equally damaging.

Toxic relationships erode mental health, self-esteem, and even physical health. Survivors often ask themselves: Why does it feel so hard to let go? or How can I heal when I still love the person who hurt me? This article provides a comprehensive guide to recovery, offering evidence-based strategies, professional insights, and compassionate advice for anyone navigating this difficult path.

Acknowledging the Impact

The first step in healing from a toxic relationship is acknowledging the harm it caused. Many survivors downplay their experiences, telling themselves it “wasn’t that bad.” Yet research shows that psychological aggression can have long-term consequences, including depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and chronic stress-related illnesses (Mojahed et al., 2024).

Acknowledging the impact also involves understanding how trauma from toxic dynamics can manifest physically. Chronic exposure to stress hormones like cortisol can increase the risk of heart disease, digestive issues, and weakened immunity (CDC, 2024).

Survivors may notice symptoms like constant fatigue, headaches, or insomnia, all linked to the invisible toll of abuse.

Another crucial aspect is emotional validation. Survivors often compare their experiences to others, thinking: “It wasn’t as bad as physical abuse, so maybe it doesn’t count.” But emotional harm is equally real and scientifically proven to affect long-term well-being.

Admitting this truth is not self-pity—it is the foundation for reclaiming your voice and beginning to heal.

The Grieving Process for Healing from a Toxic Relationship

How to let go of a toxic relationship when you still love them?

It may seem strange to grieve someone who hurt you, yet grief is one of the most natural parts of healing from a toxic relationship. Love doesn’t vanish just because harm existed.

Letting go is not about denying your emotions—it’s about accepting that love alone isn’t enough to sustain a healthy relationship.

Grieving also involves processing “ambiguous loss.” This occurs when a relationship ends, but the emotional bond remains strong, leaving survivors feeling stuck between love and anger. Therapists recommend naming these conflicting emotions and allowing space for both to coexist.

Practical ways to navigate grief include:

• Writing unsent letters: Expressing emotions in a safe, private way.
• Creating rituals of closure: Like deleting old conversations or putting away gifts that trigger memories.
• Practicing guided meditations: To soothe feelings of guilt or longing.

Grief in this context is about mourning not only the person, but also the dreams, hopes, and identity tied to that bond. Therapy, journaling, and support groups help survivors process the conflicting states of depression, anger, and relief. Accepting this complexity makes the path to healing from a toxic relationship clearer and more compassionate.

Rebuilding Self-Esteem

One of the most painful consequences of toxic relationships is how they chip away at self-worth. Survivors may begin to believe they are unworthy of love or respect because of constant criticism or gaslighting.

Rebuilding self-esteem requires intentional work. Beyond self-compassion, experts recommend:

• Affirming your identity: Reconnecting with personal strengths, hobbies, or skills that remind you of your value.
• Surrounding yourself with uplifting people: Safe relationships reinforce your sense of worth.
• Therapy for self-concept repair: Trauma-informed therapy can help reframe internalized messages like “I’m not enough.”
• Body confidence practices: Engaging in physical activities—like yoga or dance—that reconnect you with your body in positive ways.

Mathews et al. (2023) found that self-compassion is a powerful predictor of resilience after emotional abuse. Survivors who intentionally practice patience and forgiveness toward themselves report higher levels of emotional stability and a reduced likelihood of entering new toxic dynamics.

Ultimately, self-esteem is not rebuilt overnight—it grows with each choice to honor your needs, trust your intuition, and affirm your worth.

Coping Strategies

How to detach from a toxic person?

Even after a toxic relationship ends, many people find themselves emotionally tethered to their former partner.

Detachment is one of the hardest parts of recovery because toxic bonds are often built on cycles of reinforcement—moments of affection mixed with neglect or abuse—which create strong neurological and emotional attachments (Cathartic Space Counseling, 2025).

Detaching doesn’t happen overnight, but it is possible with consistent and intentional strategies:

No contact (or low contact)

When safe, cutting off communication allows your nervous system to stabilize and prevents emotional triggers. If full no-contact is impossible (for example, in co-parenting situations), establish strict boundaries—such as limiting conversations to child-related topics only.

Mindfulness and grounding

Techniques like deep breathing, body scans, or naming five things you see and hear in the moment can anchor you when intrusive memories surface. Mindfulness reduces reactivity and brings focus back to the present.

Cognitive reframing

Toxic partners often leave survivors questioning their reality. Replace thoughts like “Maybe they’ll change” with “Their consistent behavior has already shown me who they are.” This shifts your focus from hope for change to acceptance of reality.

Creating new routines

Habits linked to the toxic relationship (like checking your phone late at night or driving past their workplace) can prolong attachment. Replacing them with healthier rituals—such as morning walks, journaling, or social activities—helps retrain your brain away from old associations.

Strengthening your support system

Reach out to trusted friends or support groups when you feel the urge to reconnect. Accountability partners can remind you why detachment is essential.

Detachment is not coldness or cruelty—it’s an act of self-protection. These strategies help survivors reclaim emotional control, loosen the grip of unhealthy dynamics, and re-establish independence in their lives.

Breaking the Cycle

How to repair a toxic relationship?

Many survivors ask whether a toxic relationship can truly be fixed. The reality is that repair is rare and only possible under very specific conditions. Both partners must:

1. Acknowledge the harm openly without minimizing.
2. Commit to change through consistent actions, not just promises.
3. Engage in therapy—often couples therapy and individual therapy simultaneously.
4. Accept accountability for past actions and their effects.

Without these elements, attempts at repair often lead to repeated cycles of abuse. Emotional apologies or temporary changes, without structural shifts, usually pull survivors back into harm.

Breaking the cycle also involves self-reflection. Survivors may unconsciously repeat patterns—such as ignoring red flags, over-pleasing, or accepting inconsistent behavior—because these dynamics feel familiar. Recognizing these patterns is essential to avoid re-entering toxic dynamics in the future.

Practical steps to break the cycle include:

• Learning red flags: Control disguised as “protection,” constant jealousy, or dismissing your feelings.
• Strengthening self-trust: Journaling experiences and noticing early warning signs so you don’t gaslight yourself.
• Setting preventative boundaries: Establishing clear non-negotiables (e.g., “I won’t tolerate shouting or belittling”) in new relationships.
• Seeking professional support: Therapists can help uncover attachment styles or trauma histories that keep you vulnerable to toxic cycles.

Repairing is not always the healthiest option. Sometimes the bravest and most healing step is walking away completely and breaking the generational or personal patterns that led you there.

The Role of Support Systems

Healing rarely happens in isolation. Friends, family, and survivor networks play a vital role in validating your experience and reducing loneliness. Umberson and Montez (2019) highlight that strong social ties significantly improve resilience and overall well-being.

Support systems are not only about having people around you but also about choosing the right kind of support. Some survivors discover that not everyone understands what they’ve been through. It’s important to lean on people who can listen without judgment, respect your boundaries, and remind you of your worth.

If your circle is limited, joining a survivor support group can make a difference. Shared experiences normalize your emotions and provide encouragement when progress feels slow. Online communities, helplines, and local advocacy groups can also offer immediate support and guidance when you feel isolated.

Professional Guidance

Many survivors find professional therapy essential in healing from a toxic relationship. Evidence-based therapies include:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Identifies and reshapes harmful beliefs that keep survivors feeling “stuck.” CBT also provides practical tools for managing intrusive thoughts and anxiety.
• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): Helps process traumatic memories and reduces the emotional intensity associated with them. This is especially effective for survivors experiencing PTSD symptoms.
• Group therapy: Builds community and reduces isolation. Hearing others’ stories often validates your own and breaks the sense of shame many survivors carry.

The American Psychological Association (2022) notes that trauma-informed care is especially effective in supporting survivors of abusive dynamics. In addition, working with therapists who specialize in intimate partner violence ensures survivors receive targeted strategies for long-term recovery.

Seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness—it’s an investment in your future health and freedom.

Establishing Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are a cornerstone of recovery. Toxic relationships often blur or erase them, leaving survivors fearful of asserting their needs. Establishing boundaries restores autonomy and builds trust in yourself.

Healthy boundaries may include:

• Limiting communication with draining individuals.
• Taking time for self-care without guilt.
• Saying “no” without over-explaining.
• Choosing who gets access to your energy and emotional space.

It’s also important to remember that boundaries are not just about others—they’re also commitments to yourself. For example, setting a boundary might look like refusing to revisit old messages from your toxic partner or deciding not to engage in self-critical thoughts.

Boundaries aren’t walls—they are protective guidelines that honor your worth. When practiced consistently, they become the framework that prevents future toxic relationships and allows healthier ones to thrive.

Rediscovering Autonomy

Toxic dynamics often suppress individuality. Survivors may stop pursuing hobbies, friendships, or goals to accommodate the toxic partner. Over time, this erasure of self can make it difficult to know who you are outside the relationship.

Healing involves rediscovering autonomy: reclaiming passions, making independent decisions, and reconnecting with your authentic self. This can be as simple as revisiting hobbies you once loved, learning a new skill, or building new daily rituals that remind you that your life belongs to you.

Another key aspect of autonomy is decision-making. Toxic relationships often condition survivors to second-guess themselves or rely on the abuser’s approval. Small steps—such as choosing how to spend your free time, setting financial goals, or making travel plans independently—help rebuild trust in your own judgment.

Rediscovering autonomy is not only about freedom from the past; it is about shaping a future where your voice, needs, and passions take center stage.

Building Safe Love

Many survivors fear repeating toxic patterns, which can make new relationships feel intimidating. Yet healing also means learning how to cultivate safe, respectful love.

In safe relationships:

• Communication is open and empathetic. Disagreements are resolved without manipulation or fear.
• Boundaries are respected, not challenged. Your “no” is acknowledged without pressure.
• Support feels uplifting, not isolating. Healthy partners encourage your growth, friendships, and independence.

Safe love is not about perfection—it is about mutual respect and emotional safety. By recognizing these hallmarks, you can approach future relationships with clarity and confidence.

Toxic vs. Healthy Relationships: A Comparison

Aspect	Toxic Relationship	Healthy Relationship
Communication	Manipulative, dismissive, gaslighting	Open, respectful, honest
Boundaries	Ignored or constantly crossed	Respected and mutual
Emotional Expression	Fear-based, guilt-inducing	Safe, supportive, reciprocal
Support	Isolates you from others	Encourages social connection
Conflict Resolution	Blame, intimidation, avoidance	Calm, constructive, mutual repair
Impact on Self-Worth	Erodes confidence	Strengthens and validates identity

The Long-Term Journey

Why is it so hard to let go of a toxic man?

A frequent question is why leaving feels almost impossible, even when you know it’s the right choice. The answer lies in psychology: toxic relationships often use intermittent reinforcement—cycles of affection followed by neglect or criticism. This unpredictability activates the brain’s reward system, creating a bond that feels addictive (Cathartic Space Counseling, 2025).

Understanding this helps survivors realize that struggling to let go is not weakness—it’s a neurological response to manipulation.

Recovery takes time, consistency, and self-compassion. Healing is not linear; it comes with setbacks and breakthroughs, but over time, the grip of the toxic bond weakens.

It’s also important to celebrate milestones in your healing journey, no matter how small—whether it’s going a week without contact, rediscovering a passion, or setting a new boundary. These victories build momentum and remind you of your progress.

Supporting a Loved One in a Toxic Relationship

Toxic relationships don’t only affect the people directly involved; they also impact families and friends who witness the harm. Many loved ones ask what they can do when someone close to them is stuck in a toxic relationship.

Here are supportive approaches:

• Listen without judgment: Survivors often feel ashamed or afraid of being blamed. Offer a safe space where they can speak freely.
• Avoid ultimatums: Telling someone to “just leave” can backfire and make them feel isolated. Instead, validate their feelings and remind them they deserve respect.
• Offer resources: Share hotlines, counseling services, or support groups, but let them choose when to take action.
• Stay consistent: Even if they return to the toxic partner, continue offering support without resentment. Consistency builds trust and shows that you’ll be there when they’re ready.
• Encourage professional help: Suggest therapy or counseling as a safe way to process confusion and fear.

Supporting someone in this situation can be emotionally draining. Loved ones should also seek support for themselves, whether through therapy, support groups, or trusted friends.

Remember: you cannot force someone to leave, but your compassion and steady presence can make all the difference when they decide to take that step.

Moving Forward with Expert Guidance

Healing from a toxic relationship isn’t about forgetting the past—it’s about reclaiming your future with clarity and strength.

Through grieving, rebuilding self-esteem, setting healthy boundaries, and seeking support, you open the door to genuine growth and transformation.

At Sessions Health, Dr. Mel Corpus offers compassionate, evidence-based care designed to help survivors move beyond the pain of toxic relationships. With his extensive clinical experience and dedication to mental health, Dr. Corpus has created a therapeutic space where individuals can heal, rediscover their identity, and build healthier, more fulfilling lives.

You don’t have to walk this path alone. With the right guidance and support, it’s possible to break free from harmful patterns and embrace a future grounded in resilience and self-worth. Reach out to Sessions Health today and take the first step toward the life you truly deserve.